Should Dating Apps be Banned In kenya? , My unpopular Opinion.
In January 2024, a chilling event sent shockwaves across the nation. A man identified as John Matara was apprehended, and charged with the murder of a young woman named Starlet Wahu, whom he had encountered on a digital dating platform. Startlet's lifeless body was tragically discovered by an Airbnb resident.
John Matara, now the prime suspect, is believed to have exploited the online dating system to trap unsuspecting women and it is also reported that he would charm them with flattering praise such as "pretty" and even offer tokens of appreciation all as part of his sinister scheme to orchestrate face-to-face meetings
So the big question is, should dating apps be banned in kenya considering the above incident that just happened a few days ago? Banning dating apps is not a solution.
Fake Profiles
If you have been on social media long enough you can’t fail to notice that there are numerous fake and catfished accounts which is now happening in dating apps.
According to Besedo, it is estimated that as many as 10% of dating profiles are fake, this means that for every 10 people you see on the dating site, one of them is likely not to be a real person. This can be quite confusing if a person is genuinely looking to find a partner.
There are reasons why fake profiles are created in the first place such as spamming where fake profiles can be used to lure victims into scams such as romance scams where the fake suitor builds trust and then manipulates the victim into sending money
The other reason is phishing where fake profiles target users to steal their fake profiles like login credentials and personal details by posing as legitimate individuals.
Lastly, the phenomenon of 'catfishing' is a significant concern that involves crafting an unreal identity to emotionally lure and toy with someone, often for personal entertainment. Numerous individuals become victims of this deceptive practice.
Increased casual relationships and infidelity
Initially, dating apps were designed to facilitate connections and relationships, however, they gradually evolved into platforms that may encourage casual encounters and unfaithfulness. The digital dating platform offers a veil of anonymity, unlike conventional dating, potentially lowering restraint and leading users to overlook the potential repercussions of sexual encounters
Societal views on casual relationships have grown more tolerant over time, and dating apps serve as a stage where these views can translate into actions. It is uncommon to find younger individuals using these platforms, seeking companionship that sometimes involves monetary transactions, which raises questions about the ethical implications and potential regulation of these apps.
Infidelity
In simple terms, infidelity refers to engaging in a romantic and intimate relationship with someone other than one's spouse according to Merriam-webmaster
For instance, consider such a scenario, John Doe a man who has experienced prolonged loneliness and has been single for approximately two years. As time swiftly passes, John acknowledges his desire to start a family and thus, seeks a partner. However, due to his demanding work schedule, he hastily commits to a woman without thoroughly evaluating her compatibility.
John and this woman settle down and start a family. Years later, out of curiosity. John explores online dating platforms and it is here that he realizes he should have invested more time in finding his ideal partner. The dating platform presents him with numerous attractive women, many of whom he finds more appealing than his wife. Instantly captivated John makes the regrettable decision to be unfaithful to his wife, engaging in affairs with women from the dating site. So what factors contributed to John's decision to cheat on his wife?
- Accessibility and temptation since dating apps provide constant access to a pool of potential partners even in committed relationships and it can be very tempting for individuals who seek extramarital experiences.
- Dissatisfaction with existing relationships where if there are issues in existing relationships they can make individuals more susceptible to seeking emotional or physical outside the relationships through dating apps
- Blurred boundaries where the casual nature of many dating platform interactions can blur the lines between harmless flirting and inappropriate behavior which can lead to infidelity
Negative impact on mental health and Social interaction
Negative impact
It's worth noting that dating platforms can have similar psychological impacts as certain social media sites. These platforms often showcase exaggerated or fabricated lifestyles, which can lead to increased levels of anxiety and depression among users.
Specifically for dating apps, the pressure to match with the 'perfect' profile, coupled with the constant comparison to skillfully curated online personas, can intensify feelings of inadequacy and anxiety hence the impersonal nature of these platforms can make rejection feel particularly harsh, potentially leading to depressive symptoms
Addiction and obsessive behavior where most dating apps have endless swiping and notifications that can create addictive patterns and notifications. This will in turn lead to neglecting other aspects of life and hindering healthy social interactions offline
It's important to address the issue of body shaming. This is the practice where individuals are criticized and rejected based on their physical attributes. Such experiences can instill deep-seated insecurities about one's body and in extreme cases can even trigger mental health problems. This raises the question about the ethical implications of dating apps and the potential contribution of body shaming in kenya.
Social Interactions
Social interactions are significant while dating since these social interactions can help build connections and effective communication skills, they also allow individuals to interpret body language and non-verbal cues, establish trust, and share experiences and emotional connections to name a few.
However, there are negative impacts to lack of social impacts such as erosion of traditional dating and communication skills which creates difficulty in forming authentic connections outside the app environment
A noteworthy point is the paradoxical role of dating apps and exacerbating feelings of loneliness and isolation. Despite their purpose of connecting people with these platforms, these platforms can inadvertently foster a sense of solitude and detachment. Interestingly, research indicates that relationships initiated online are not fundamentally different from those that begin offline, hence this presents a complex dilemma for the Kenyan digital dating landscape
Why Banning is NOT the Answer
Ineffectiveness
Banning dating apps in Kenya Despite Potential Concerns about their impact on mental health and social interaction face practical and ethical challenges such as
Decentralization Given the global reach of these platforms, Kenyans have the option to explore other means to continue using them. One such method is through Virtual Private Networks (VPNs). However, this could lead to a complex situation if the government decides to regulate VPN usage, resulting in a potential drain on resources
Banning the official apps might drive users towards unregulated or underregulated alternatives which might expose them to greater risks of scum m harassment and privacy violations. Take for instance the government decided to ban Tinder a popular social media platform, we would start seeing the rise of other apps by the name Tinder with a few modifications on the name just to confuse people and think that the official app
Prohibiting official apps could potentially push users towards less regulated alternatives, increasing their vulnerability to scum, harassment and privacy breaches. For example, if the government were to van a widely used platform like Tinder, we might witness the emergence of similar apps with slightly altered names, designed to mislead people into believing they are the official apps
Unintended consequences
In case of a ban, there would be increased consequences such as increased offline and predatory behavior where people would meet not knowing what exactly would happen to them. In some cases, some people can end up being kidnapped or being sexually assaulted.
Stigmatization and shaming of users, assuming dating platforms have been banned people would have to meet physically like in the traditional ways. So people have different body appearances and some prefer their partners to look a certain way, hence when people meet and the body appearance of the other person doesn’t satisfy them, they may end up body shaming them for how unattractive they look.
Since dating provides access to a wider pool of potential partners especially for people living in rural areas banning them would limit options for finding compatible matches. Banning them would also silence the crucial conversations and push them back into the shadows.
Alternative Solutions
If dating apps were to be banned, people would be compelled to revert to traditional face-to-face meetings. Given the diversity of physical appearances, some individuals have a specific preference for their partners.
Consequently, when a person's physical appearance does not meet these expectations, it could lead to body shaming due to perceived unattractiveness, therefore the stigmatization and shaming of individuals based on their looks is a potentially negative outcome of banning dating apps.
Regulatory measures to hold the platforms accountable for misleading and ensuring user safety. The government of kenya through the Communication Authority of Kenya (CAK) has put in enough measures to report incidents happening on dating platforms by reporting an incident which will offer confidential support and guidance to those experiencing harassment or abuse and action will be taken.
Encouraging responsible use of technology and promoting healthy dating habits by collaborating with dating app developers to establish comprehensive user safety protocols including a mandatory verification process, and robust reporting mechanism for abuse.
Launching awareness campaigns and promoting healthy dating practices emphasizing open communication, respect, and the importance of offline communication.
Embracing the Positive Potential of Dating Apps.
Providing a Platform for Meeting New People and Forming Relationships
Dating apps in kenya provide a platform for meeting new people and forming relationships by breaking geographical barriers allowing individuals in rural areas or isolated communities to expand their circles and access a wider pool of potential partners. These dating apps act as catalysts for real interaction leading to genuine relationships that spark offline and finally, they foster meaningful bonds based on shared interests.
Breaking down social barriers and connecting individuals across communities
Dating apps can act as bridges, breaking down social barriers and forging connections across communities by catering to specific identities such as faith-based groups, dating apps nurture a sense of belonging and facilitate connections within marginalized communities.
Dating apps also offer a platform for individuals to explore relationships outside their immediate social circles, potentially challenging traditional circles and exceptions.
Shared interests and values rather than pre-existing social connections, drive initial interactions on dating apps, potentially fostering deeper and more meaningful bonds built on more meaningful bonds built on genuine compatibility
There is geographical freedom that allows individuals from different regions, towns, and even ethnicities to meet and mingle, opening doors to diverse perspectives and experiences.
Empowering women and challenging traditional dating norms
Dating apps provide a platform for women to choose their partners outside the confines of arranged marriages or family pressure, these apps always offer agency and independence. Women can also set their own criteria initiate conversations and navigate relationships on their own terms evading toxic men and challenging the positive role often assigned to them in traditional courtship.
This way many women using dating apps have self-confidence and they have encouraged women to prioritize their desires and expectations potentially leading to more efficient partnerships.
While there is still societal pressure and safety concerns these apps offer a glimmer of hope for Kenyan women as they navigate the evolving landscape of love and relationships
Conclusion
As I conclude, the debate on whether dating apps should be banned in Kenya is a complex issue. The tragic incident involving John Matara and Starlet Wahu highlights the potential dangers of online dating
While there are valid arguments for banning dating apps, this article presents an unpopular opinion that banning is not the solution
This article proposes solutions including regulatory measures to hold platforms accountable encouraging responsible use of technology and promoting healthy dating habits.
Rather than the outright ban, addressing the concerns surrounding dating apps through the combination of regulatory measures, responsible use, and awareness could be a more effective approach to ensure the safety of well-being of users while preserving aspects of digital dating in kenya.
